PERSONAL: Melanoma - what I truly want to do now that I've dodged a bullet or two

Everyone has a life defining moments........some are a little more exciting than others.

Some define us both inside and out, changing traits in our personality for the rest of our lives.  Some simply help us have a different perspective and make us realise how we really want to spend our days.

Mine isn't something that I've made public - basically because I don't like people to feel sorry for me. 

But just for the record............this is my story....

When I was a kid we spent many a sunny afternoon down at the beach.  I've never been a big beach fan - the grittiness of the sand in my cossies was never something I've been ok with.  But I have many fond memories of building sandcastles and mermaids on the beach with my brother and sister.  We would bury each other up to our heads, carve out our names with sticks and I would constantly forget to apply more sunscreen - meaning I would wake up the next day red as a beet.

sorry, this isn't me, it's a stock photo from www.dreamstime.com - but I was pretty cute as a kid!!

 
I recall countless times when I got sunburnt; mum would peel off big layers of skin from my back.  It was a fascinating experience, and one that none of us knew was a pre-warning to the dangers I could be facing down the track.

Fast forward a few decades, and I'm now a mother myself, and we are now told that being burnt too many times isn't in fact building up resilience, but possible doing much worse.

I had a largish mole on my back that I had my GP keep an eye on.  It was perfectly round and all one colour, so I never really worried about it.

It was when I started working at my own business that I decided it might be time I started looking after myself a little better.  Having 2 kids under 5 meant there wasn't much time for me - but I also knew that I had to look after myself if I was going to hang around for my boys.

So off I hopped to my first ever mole scan.  A fairly straight forward procedure which was fairly non eventful.  "there's a few spots I might take a sample from," said the doctor.  "Better to be safe than sorry."  and that's where I left it.

No one can ever prepare you for the "call back" from the doctors office.

"it's about your test results, we need you to come back so we can discuss them with you."

It's something that I wasn't prepared for.................and neither was my husband.

It was late July and it was a Tuesday - and the call back was on the Thursday. 

Longest 48 hours of my life

You see, not knowing what is ahead in your future is a good thing.....isnt' it!?!!  You look at life and go, "ahh, she'll be right, we'll sort it out!"

But getting a call back means that she won't be right...............there's something wrong here and you can't just shrug this off - YOU NEED TO TALK TO A DOCTOR ABOUT YOUR OPTIONS

Shit

So hubby and I went to the docs together - and we were told the news.  Yes it's a melanoma, but it's 100% treatable.  I promptly burst into tears - tears of relief and tears of sadness.  The doctor told me not to worry, that we got it early and that we'll just cut it out and that's that - end of story.  But for me it meant that I my own body had created something that could actually kill me - my body has turned against me in some way......and I just wasn't sure what the future would hold because I had this cloud of doubt hanging over me.

So I cried and the doctor assured me, and hubby assured me, and the nurse assured me - and a few days later, after a few hours laying on my tummy............it was gone.

I took that day off work and treated myself to a new skirt and a coffee with hubby - then promptly got back to work - and I WAS FINE.

I'd dodged a bullet with thanks to my doctor and I'd caught it early.

Nearly a year later I had another suspicious looking mole pop up - doc took a biopsy of that and it came back melanoma again - stage 1 very early, let's pop that one out too.

The second one was like the second child - a new challenge, but one I'd already gone through - so I took that in my stride

There was also a Basal Cell Carcinoma (BCC) that they took out at the same - not a killer mole, but still better out than in, bit of a safety measurement.

So now I say that I look a little like a patchwork quilt - it's nothing too shocking - my scars tell a story that I've shared with you today.

I am now on 3 monthly check ups as well as scans with the mole doctor - and if I keep this up I'll be able to nip any new ones in the bud..........I'm on a high priority list due to my 'more than one' melanoma - should I feel privileged or petrified!?!!

Either way it has given me perspective - a gentle nudge to myself to say, "stop taking things so seriously and worrying about things you have no control over.  Enjoy what is right here in front of you and be grateful for the same.  Not everyone gets a second chance as easily as you have, so MAKE IT COUNT!!"

So that's what I'm doing today...............and every day.............

Again, not my photo, but I'm waiting for inspiration like this to help me move forward!!!!

Making it count

Hope you are too!!  xxxxx

inspiration - when it strikes is up to you

it's a hard thing having a blog.........and running a business.............and staying sane while raising a family................

the momentum is very much like a roller coaster for all three of these things.............

sometimes you're cruising along and things are working well - then you have to dig in and climb an invisible wall just to see the other side.

at other times you are filled with endorphins that can only be explained as fireworks going off inside..........I think these moments happen mostly when you stop and just allow the world to show you all you have..........rather than when you are running around chasing your tail and wondering if there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Want to know the truth!?!!

THERE IS NO TUNNEL!!

There is darkness and there is light, and the light that you notice is always there, if you are IN THE MOOD to notice it.

You can't rely on other people to show you that light - cause you'll be in the zone now & then, but it's something that you have to learn to find yourself...........

Whether is be in the form of daily meditation
or if you feed yourself well and look after your body (which means you'll notice how fit you are)
or if you spend ten minutes a day being creative (see my #committobeingcreative post here )
or if you just sit with a cuppa and a magazine at the end of the day, and find some time to JUST BE

So find that time when you can...............but make sure to give yourself CONSCIOUS SIGNS TO DO IT.

    *    post it notes telling you to JUST BE
    *    get a tattoo that says it and remind yourself often
    *    set a time on your phone
    *    do whatever works

Cause it's not going to happen as often if you wait for it to spontaneously occur.  

 

If you're still stuck, Nik from the Mindfulness project is an expert who can advise you about what you need to do - it's a great blog and I think I'll have to book into the 8 week mindfulness course very soon!!  Here is her blog about Here is her blog about a change of pace